A couple of weeks ago, one of the points in my post about organizing tupperware raised some interesting discussion. Two readers who blog at The Road to Hobbiton and Autumn Asks Why both pointed out the challenge of sticking to organizational systems. They expressed their frustration with dealing with other members of their family:
“Everytime I come up with a system, it fails before long because no one else in the family sticks to it. I could be the crazy woman who follows everybody around and yells about putting stuff where it goes, but who wants to live that way?” – The Road to Hobbiton
“No amount of threats, punishment, rewards or anything else can get my brats to follow the system. They literally toss stuff in and shut the door before it can fall out.” – Autumn Asks Why
Now this got me thinking. I have it pretty easy right now apparently because my husband and I haven’t started a family yet. So right now the only person I have to tell to stick to my system is, well, me. But I totally recognize the potential for failure when you introduce more people in the equation. Hey, I was a teenager once. And I was a roommate several times. Furthermore, in the future my husband and I plan to have kids and I want them to stick to my organizational systems. Is it a lost cause?
I don’t think so. After some time to ponder this challenge, I’ve thought up a few ideas that I’ll offer below. Hopefully these ideas can help anyone struggling to implement or follow organizational systems in the home. Why organize something if we can’t keep it organized? There’s got to be a way. So here we go…
1. Make sure your system is realistic
The harder your system is to follow, the less participation you will likely have from other members of your family. Take a look at the organizational systems throughout your house that aren’t being followed and ask yourself how complicated they are. Also consider asking your family to be honest and tell you what they think. Maybe the reason your family won’t stick to your system is because they just can’t!
2. Introduce systems to everyone in your family
Sometimes we can make a mistake right off the bat when we organize something by just expecting everyone to automatically take notice and follow our system. I’ll be the first to point out that not everyone in your family will be as excited as you are about your brand new tupperware system or alphabetized DVD’s. You have to show your system to your family and explain it in detail. Help them understand not only how it works or how they can use it, but also how important it is to you that they stick to it. It’s possible that all your family needs is a little explanation and to know how much you care.
3. Make sure you set a good example
If you are asking your family to stick to your organizational system, then you’d better make sure you stick to it too! Think of the expression, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Don’t be that person. No one wants to take orders from someone who doesn’t follow their own orders.
4. Establish clear rules
If you can have rules in your home about making the bed or doing chores, then why can’t sticking to organizational systems be a rule too? What do you do if your child won’t clean their room or take out the trash? Consider using the same discipline methods you would use in these scenarios for anyone who doesn’t follow your organizational systems (out of disobedience, not ignorance). There’s no real difference between making your bed or putting the tupperware back into the cupboard the right way. In both situations, if a child chooses to not listen to you, then they are simply breaking the rules.
5. Let someone else take ownership of the system
If someone in your family doesn’t understand your system or refuses to take it seriously, then a useful practice might be to have them do the organizing themselves so they can take ownership of it and actually care. Feel free to help them with the project so they do it right, but allow them to take the bulk of the time and effort to get the job done. That way they will feel as if they’ve invested in the system and will have more incentive to stick to it. This concept is not much different than the following common situation: a teenager might take care of something they purchased with their own money more than something you bought for them. They don’t take something for granted if they’ve worked hard for it. The same can be said for organizational systems.
Reader Reflection
I certainly don’t have all the answers and would love to hear any further insight into this challenge. How do you help your family stick to your organizational systems?
Good thoughts! I totally relate to this frustration. I live with a houseful of people .. 4 children between the ages of 11-19. They are all adult sized (this may seem of no consequence but it is). One thing that really helps in our home is to have Dad onboard with the new system. If I have his endorsement and reinforcement things go much more smoothly (this is true in many areas of our lives).
To go along with being realistic, organizational systems need to go with the natural flow and be really minimal in the effort they require. If they are too elaborate or too far out of the rhythm of your normal day they just won’t succeed without your pulling your hair out. I am often my own biggest problem.
@Leslie,
Thank you for your excellent insight! I can see how having Dad on board with the new system would be an immense help…great tip. I totally agree with you that organizational systems should require minimum effort. In fact, the main reason we implement such systems in the first place is to try to reduce effort!
Thank Sarah!
These are some great ideas. Having someone else take ownership is something I hadn’t thought of before, but could definitely work. I have noticed that each of my family members can be organized in their own way, but just not with my systems so much.
I will try some of your ideas!
Ellie
@Ellie,
I’m glad to hear you think some of my ideas will be useful. I definitely stand by the point about having another family member take ownership. When they’ve invested, they’ll care!
Sigh. Great, great idea’s. I’ve used them.
With my first child the letting them be the organizer was the thing that worked. He even drew himself a chart of how he wanted to keep stuff and taped it inside the cabinet doors. Worked great.
My middle child seems determined to be grounded her entire teenage years. Over making beds or putting away dishes right. Things that take 2 minutes. I just don’t get it.
I think when she grows up I’m going to make sure and go into her cabinets and mess up all her stuff every time I’m at her house. Yep. That should do it. Can you see her kids? “But GRANDMA did it!!!”
LOL!
@Autumnesf,
I’m glad to hear you’ve used some of these ideas with success. Sometimes there’s not much at all we can do since everyone ultimately has to make their own choice. So the best we can do is try!
That’s a lovely picture of you.
I’ll feel sorry for little Johnny when he gets spanked for not following the DVD alphabetization system correctly!
On a more serious note, you bring up something that’s been on my mind. I went to an optional talk at my work yesterday on the topic on relaxation. The woman giving the talk was asked a question about what to do about a child’s messy room. Her answer was that you can’t change people, you can only change how you react to them. She said if you let go of trying to be a person-changer you can be a lot more at peace in life. I know there is a little bit of legitimacy to some of that, but I largely disagree with that line of thinking. What I found funny was that this was coming from a woman who’s job is a “life coach,” which sounds a lot like a person-changer to me. We can impact other people for the better and help them improve and grow and find purpose in life. If we can’t, how much point is there in living? Not as much. Or for that matter, how much point is there in blogging?
@Wiggy,
“I’ll feel sorry for little Johnny when he gets spanked for not following the DVD alphabetization system correctly!”
Come on, you make me sound like a meanie when you say it that way!!
I agree with your sentiments about the relaxation talk you attended. Especially when it comes to children, I feel that the purpose of being a parent is to help their children learn, develop good character, and make sound choices in life. This can’t happen unless the parent has a direct influence on their child in the way the ‘life coach’ seems to disagree with. What is the point of even having parents if they can’t have such an impact on their children?
I always considered myself a “naturally” organized person. I liked order and did what it took to put things away.
When I married my husband, he liked order, but was use to his parents creating it for him. I was mostly able to keep up with him, though never did figure out his cryptic organizational files.
My daughter was born and wanted to be just like Daddy. Her area’s rival her father’s for messy.
A second daughter was more like me, but babies can only help so much.
I think I managed to mostly keep up until we moved twice in 6 months, with second one being a temporary stay (3 years) with his parents, then moving into a second temporary location (5 years now) and adding a son. Thankfully he also likes being organized.
Somewhere in the last 8 years – I lost it. Now there is no rhyme or reason to any part of my house – nothing fits and nothing works. I’m so far behind my 2 messies, that I am at wits end most days.
Complicating this is that I don’t drive, so I cannot drop off purged items at Goodwill or similar – nor will they pick them up (I miss that from where we lived 8 years ago).
I’ve tried labeling and lots more – but what to do when the biggest “disobedient” kid is the “man of the house”?
Some day I want to get it all back together again – and maybe even have a house big enough to have company!
@Rachel,
Could a friend possibly help you take your purged items to Goodwill?
Moving and adding family members can certainly throw off our systems, can’t they?! I think if you have the desire to be organized, then you can do it! Just try to get started in small ways here and there. It’s difficult to tackle the entire house all at once.
Does your husband remember any of his parents’ systems? Perhaps you could both could work together to re-implement some of them. Nevertheless, I wish you success in your endeavor!